what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
