there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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