why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
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I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
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How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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