I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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