I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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