I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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