She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize