hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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