Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
