he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Where is the hickey?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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