i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
