I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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