I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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