I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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