Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
