you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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