Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
