You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Randomize
