Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
