The best revenge is premature balding
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
