I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
