if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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