honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
