My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
