omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
