I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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