Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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