I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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