I think I died a long time ago.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
