We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
