she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize