I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
