Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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