I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
