i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
