two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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