How's work?
Spinning.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
