im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
