Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
