i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
How naked do you want me to be?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize