A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
