Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
