then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize