Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
