Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
