Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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