you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
we should paint friendship bongs
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