She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
