I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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