Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
