he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
