i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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