A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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