Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
