He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's never too late to be topless.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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