I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
