i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
nutella sex= disaster
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
