So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
