It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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