We won't sleep together?
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you didnt know i had herpes?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
