Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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