so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
