good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I skipped work to stalk him.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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