i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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