we have officially lost it.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
