So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
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There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
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you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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