I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
