If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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