he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
